Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Mad Money

I, basically, work lots of part-time jobs doing a few different things though most of the time my work is in security or catering. I am always looking for new opportunities to fill up my calendar so, occasionally, I go to Craigslist. Back in August I answered an ad for a driver, 3 to 4 days a week, claiming good pay. I replied and sent along a copy of my resume.

I was immediately suspicious when the lister, Done Gunderson, Esq., replied to my email with a different name, Douglas Raymond, in an letter from Gunderson's G-mail account. I smelled what is commonly known as a "419 Advance Fee Fraud" scam or "The Nigerian Letter Scam" and decided to see just how far I could run with it. Here is the reply I got:

Hello There,
Thanks for your swift response and i am glad to read from you as regard to the driving job. I am Douglas Raymond by name and I live here in illinois, presently in United kingdom, I have informed my wife {Sandra by Name} concerning the pick up and for other purpose which she might need you for. I believe you are fit for this position in as much you will prove yourself as a reliable and honest person. Her arrival date is September 5th. I will prefer you have your car ready & available, but if you don't have a car, i will make provision for you. I am offering you $500Dollars weekly and you will make yourself available 3 times a week to her schedule for 2 hours each day, also I want you to know that my client will be sending you either Money Order STONE..............: Money Order or Cashier Check and the payment will be in excess of $3850USD. You're to deduct your salary & the remaining funds will
be use by my wife for her travel expenses, accommodations and some other expenses, get back to me with the following details as fast as you can.
Full Name:
Home Address:
City:
State:
Zip Code:
Phone Number:
Country:
Get back to me as fast as you can, so that the money Order or Cashier Check an be issue on your name and sent to your address overnight.

Thanks for your utmost co-operation & i 'll be looking forward to hearing back from you as soon as possible.

Best
Regards,
Done Gunderson, Esq.
So I replied with this:

Thank you for your consideration. I see that you live in Illonois but your advert was in the Washington, DC Craigslist. Will your wife be staying in the DC area? If so you will find no one with a better knowledge of the city as I was born and raised here. My information is as follows:
Guy Waynes
1329 Ft. Stevens Dr. NW
Washington, DC 20011
US
202.829.****
I look forward to being of service to you.
Two days later I get another email that ignored my questions about Sandra {by Name}'s location in relation to the job but I will be getting a check anyway, presumably when Gunderson is "Done" forging, er...manipulating, one.

Hello There,

Thanks for your effort and co-operations all this while, well i am using the opportunity to inform you that, due to the reason that all shipping company here in United Kingdom, do not work during weekends; therefore, you should be expecting the cashier check payment latest on wednesday, 3rd of Sept. 2008, so when you receive it, you are to follow the necessary information i gave you on our to manipulate the check.

Thanks! Regards,
Done Gunderson, Esq.
I didn't get a check by the 3rd and didn't hear from Gunderson/Raymond until September 9:

Hello There,
Thanks for your utmost patience and co-operations all this while; i have to tell you this good news, the Cashier Check of US$3000has been ready to be send by my financial manager to you this very week; i will be happy if you get it cashed as soon as you receive the Check, you are to deduct your upfront bill of US$500 and get there remainning money send to my wife in United Kingdom for her expenses; there was a slight delay with my wife's arrival to the State, that's the reason why you never got any message from me since, my sincere apology to whatever this delay might have caused you. Thank you once again and God Bless!.

Best Regards,
DoneGunderson, Esq.

Here's where I see the genius of ths plan. I get a check for $3000 which I should cash and deduct $500 for myself and send the balance to this guy and he makes an easy $2500. It's a win/win situation, right?

That week I did get an envelope from the UK with no return address. Inside, sure enough, was a cashiers' check for $3500 from an account at a Houston, TX bank noting the purchaser as Jean Trafford and the instructions were that I send the $3000 to a Kelvin Smith in the UK (this guy has more personalities than Sybil!). I found the bank online and saw they have branches in Maryland but too far for me to want to drive there for this silliness.

Here's the second part of this genius plan: I figure if I cash the check I could be arrested for bank fraud over a measly $500 while it would take an international effort to track down Gunderson/Raymond/Trafford/Smith even with what is likely a false address. Needless to say, I haven't heard from him since as I figure he's figured out that I'm no sucker and moved on to someone else.

Now that I have all this (mis)information I found that I can send a copy of the check and instructions to the US Secret Service for investigation but i wonder if they'll keep me posted on their investigation.

Now playing at StudioMONDO:
Funky Green Dogs -
Super California
Andy Caldwell - Late Night with Andy Caldwell
Rendezvous Lounge -
Volumes 1 and 2
Blaze - Found Love

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mr. Done Gunderson. I love that name and will now be assuming it as my internet screen name. Somehow I don't picture Mr. Gunderson with blonde hair and blue eyes, do you? Mr. Waynes... if that is even your real name?

Bob

October 24, 2008 at 11:14 AM  
Blogger Guy Mondo said...

I thought his name seemed Norwegian or Swedish so I would have expected blonde hair and blue eyes but it's probably some guy straight outta "Coming to America" with a jheri-curl and gold teeth...

October 24, 2008 at 8:22 PM  

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