Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Mad Money: Introducing Miss Lily Jones

My fictitious pre-fab home courtesy of Sears Roebuck Co.


Okay, so Done Gunderson, et al., never contacted me again. Too bad as I was thinking of trying to, eventually, see if I could get him to send me some cash (y'know, for gas and time off from work and such) so I could go to the bank to cash his phony check. Alas, no go.
However, this week I have received another email from some heir to African fortunes with an email account on Japanese Yahoo (
lily_jone2008@yahoo.co.jp). As with all 419 scams this letter was full of poor grammar, misspellings, religious references and soap-opera melodrama.
Here is the email from "Lily Jones":

Dear Belove one

Based on your profile, l am happy to request for your assistance because I beleive that you are not going to betrayed the trust which I am going to lay on you Dear Beloved i pray all is well with you and Other members of your family.
My name is Lily 20 years old and the only daughter of my late parents Mr.and Mrs Jones, My father was a highly reputable busnness magnet-(a cocoa merchant) who operated in the capital of Ivory coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad on 12th.November 2005.Though his sudden death was linked or rather suspected to have been masterminded by an uncle of his who travelled with him at that time, but God knows the truth!
My mother died when I was just 6 years old, and since then my father took me so special. Before the death of my Father on November 12th 2005 he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told her that he has the sum of (USD$17.5 000 000) Seventeen Milion five hundred thousand dollars left in a metalic trunk trunk box, wich he deposited in a Security Company here in abidjan, that he registered it as family valuable items for security reasons, he told the secretary that I should contact the Company for them to know me as his next of kin wich I have did as he instructed, He also told the secretary that I should not let any of his relations to know about this because he was kiled by them and if they know about it, that they will do nothing but to kill me in other to take hold of every thing, He told her that I should seek for a foriegn partner abroad who will help me retreived the trunk box and also travel with him or her in other to continue my Live and Education and also to start a Bussines relationship with the person whom can take care of me in the future,
My dear, this is why I have come incontact with you in order to help me retreive that trunk box from the Security Companys custody and send it direct to your country and also to make an arrangement for me on how I will come over to your country in other to continue my Live and Education and also to go into bussines relationship with you hence I am still a child and I dont know any thing about bussines, I am just 20 years old and a university undergraduate and really don't know what to do. this is because I have suffered a lot of set backs as a result of incessant political crisis here in Ivory coast. The death of my father actually brought sorrow to my life, My dear, I am in a sincere desire of your humble assistance in this regards and your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded. Now permit me to ask these few questions:
1. Can I completely trust you?

2.Can you accept me as your own blood Sister (Or Doughter)?
3.What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you?
Consider this and get back to me as soon as possible with your full assurance that you will not disapoint me in this issue so that i can give you the contact of the Security Company where my late Father deposited that trunk box for you to contactthem on how the trunk box will be retreived from their custody and deliver to your country,
Thank you soo much for your understanding and may almighty God bless you and your Family to the Glory of God Almighty,

My sincere regards,
Miss Lily..

So I wrote her back because my chivalrous nature compels me to find a way to assist this poor damsel-in-distress...

Dear Miss Jones,

While I am happy to provide you some assistance in retreiving your family's assets I hope you understand that I am slightly suspicious of your true intentions. As you know there are many unscrupulous people in the world who prey on the gullibility of the uninformed with letters, similar to yours, sent at random to strangers in the hope of separating them from their hard-earned money. While I don't believe you to be one of these "scam artists" I would like to have some assurance as to your honesty.
You have mentioned in your correspondence your desire to come to my country to live and continue your education. You also mentioned that you wish me to accept you as if you were a member of my family in order to facilitate the receipt of your family's trunk of money. I would like, if you don't mind, a small act of good faith from you. Firstly, I would like to know if you are to be a guest in my home (4 bedrooms on 1 acre of land), second, I would like to request that you send a photograph of yourself possibly holding a sign with the words "StudioMONDO" (which is the name of my fairly lucrative artists' management business) written on it just to prove that you are not party to an illegal scam.
I believe that once we have established a certain level of trust we may then move forward with my assisting you in you dilemma. As for my restitution, I believe that the Lord will provide all benefits to my heart. However, I understand your desire to provide a gratuity for my assistance so I think a fair amount should be minimal, perhaps approximately $10,000USD would suffice (some of which will be used to facilitate your anticipated travel to my country and the balance going to my parish at the
A.M.E. Church of What's Happening Now). (WARNING: The link I imbedded here is to an adult website called "Jesus Loves Porn")

Thank you for your consideration.
Guy Mondo

Let the games begin!

Today on the StudioMONDO Wheels-of-Steel:
Johnny Mathis - Warm
Matt Bianco - Who's Side Are You On
Martha & The Muffins - This is the Ice Age
Hans-Joachim Roedelius - Geschenk des Augenblicks
Madhouse - Madhouse

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